Six Word Story Challenge: Loss

I found this on one of the blogs that I follow and I found the concept really interesting. If you would like to know more or are interested in participating  please visit  A Hopeless Wandering Mind

screaming on the inside  Without further ado:

Sinking deeper, she relinquished her sanity.


Writing Prompt #18 Time of Day


Todays writing prompt is brought to us by vexingpoint.

Writing prompt #18 What is your favorite time of day?

I love night. I like the darkness and quiet it gives me. I love my “me time”. No voices requesting things from me and no obligations or appointments. Nothing to beg for my attention. I am free to do what I want. I can blog, read, watch a movie, answer emails, surf the web, etc…. Lately, I am finding less and less time to be able to do these things. My life demands me to be on 24/7. It isn’t one thing or another. It isn’t anyone’s fault. It is just simply the way my life is working right now. Sometimes my quiet doesn’t come until midnight. Last night was the perfect example. I spent the evening creating a book for schooling my little one. Guess what time that was? 11:30 p.m. I take my free time where I can get it. I am pretty sure that others are doing the same thing.

The night affords me just a little peace and respite from the chaos of the day and the day to come.  I love to walk in the dark. There is a little park where you can sit on a bench or a swing and just watch the ocean.(It is patrolled) It is one of the few times I can have clarity of thought. It is hard to see a situation or a decision clearly when there is constant noise.  I can just let my thoughts wander where they need to.

I recognize that more and more it is not always safe to be alone in the dark. Let’s face it, there  are a lot of psychos in the world. I hate that is something I have to worry about but it is what it is. I need the night and sometimes the darkness. In a way it does provide a safety blanket to me. I am free to just be, even if for a moment.

Some of the best thoughts, ideas, and writing I do is when it is dark and silent. I guess I am just simply able to let the words and ideas flow and not worry about interruptions.  I am often surprised at what come out when I have the chance to quietly sit and type.

Who knows? Maybe my future is a series of midnight excursions and thought provoking writings LOL.

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Community Service.”

To the community I live in:

Dear Residents,

I know that living here is hard. There are not a lot of opportunities in this town. I understand that many of you live in a poverty-stricken hell. Minimum wage is the norm. I am not without sympathy for your struggles. I know that the opportunities to escape from here never come for most of you. We are devoid of culture, openness and often kindness here. It is a rare treat to find someone who is college educated, who has traveled, who has a different view of the world that we have all been stuck in here.

Often, I can see the weariness of my fellow townspeople. I can see where you are just one last nerve away from having a really bad day. You want to throw in the towel, you want to lash out, and you just want to give up.  I know this because I am living it.

This was not a place that I chose to come to. I moved here because it was the shortest move that I had made. You see, I married a man who was military. You move where they want you to. We may have requested to move here because it was the shortest move we had ever made and they promised us three years without a move.  My misery started long before I moved here. I struggled against all my demons that came with me to this place and now I struggle with the ones I have been put through since being here. The problem is that while I have paid for my choices and mistakes I have had to deal with your gossip, your hate, your lack of understanding, your judgments, your backstabbing, and ultimately,  your rules of morality.

I have lost everything moving here. I lost myself and what did you do? You kicked me when I was down and you laughed about it. You have followed me to places and attacked my spiritual beliefs, my sexual orientation, and my choices. You were there when the good times rolled but when the bottom fell out, where were you? Why did you bully my loved ones? Why did you go out of your way to cause as much pain as possible?

I am here to say that no matter what you have done to me , I am still alive and kicking. I will not be beaten down by your words, your hate, and your judgments. You don’t get to win. You may still want to beat me down but I will rise above it. I will not change the person I have become because it is uncomfortable for you. I am so much better than I was and I can’t wait to see what kind of person I will be. I will have my place in the world.

I can’t stop you from doing what you do and being what you are,  but I will not return the favor in kind.  You continue to do what you think you need to do to me to avoid looking at yourself in the mirror.  I will continue to be me.

A word of advice…Don’t turn from everything and everyone that doesn’t fit in your box. Maybe you will learn something new. Maybe you will escape from the hell you are stuck in. Maybe a little kindness will go a long way.

New Music Friday

I love music. I was raised listening to music. Granted it was 1950’s and 1960’s pop mixed with Southern Baptist and evangelical hymns but I was not in control of my musical choices as a child.(or religious choices, sexual preferences, or thoughts LOL) One takes what they can get. I loved to sing. I spent most of my childhood in a sort of religious, culty hell. Music was the only solace against that. As I went through those wonderful teenage years, I discovered the 80’s(I had older brothers) I was a teen during the 1990’s which gave me a lot of freedom on what style of music was out there. Plus, I got to wear baggy pants, flannels, and Doc Marten’s (which I still secretly wish I could wear everyday) I discovered Led Zepplin, Miles Davis, The Doors, Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Nirvana(don’t mock), Pearl Jam, Metallica(the decent years), Smashing Pumpkins and many, many others. I sucked it in. When I was sad, angry, depressed, lonely, rebellious, in puppy love, happy, etc…. it was my companion. My comfort was often found in music.

I listen to many different things now but somewhere along the line I got in a musical rut. Why? I am not really sure how I did that. Maybe it that I am getting older now and the TOP 20 makes me want to stab myself in the eye with a pencil and cut my ears off.  Maybe it is the crazy schedule we keep at this house. Whatever the reason, I realized a few months ago that I missed the excitement of finding something new to listen to. This lead to a weird trail of sharing what I have found once in awhile in case anyone was experiencing a “musical crisis” that I have now found myself in LOL.  In all seriousness, I thought I would post up and share and maybe other people will share their music. In the process, I might discover something new that speaks to me and help someone else find something enjoyable to listen to.

With no further adieu:

Under the Table-Banks

Don’t wanna fight-Alabama Shakes

Slacks-St. South

Got it-Marian Hill

Old Money-Lana Del Rey

Coming Home-Leon Bridges

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Sweeping Motions.”

I like a nice, peaceful setting in my bedroom. I am also a little OCD about order and cleanliness. Just ask my family. It drives me crazy when things are out-of-place. The bedroom is nice and tidy but I do NOT make my bed. I mean really, what is the point? I am going to get back in it during nap time and night-night time so why the hell would I want to remake it several times a day.Seriously,  I have enough going on without worrying whether my feng shui will be disturbed by a wrinkled comforter.

Our desk, however, is another story. I would like to call it organized chaos. I agreed to have the desk moved from the back room to a main area only if it would be kept clean and pretty. This so did not happen. The poor desk has become a catch-all for everyone’s stuff, paperwork, bills, grocery receipts , lists, headphones, Disks, pens, gaming stuff, etc… I have a special needs child that must bring the entire house when he uses  the computer. He manages to fit that all on the desk and bring a yoga ball to sit and bounce on to his heart’s content.

I have to come and do a cleaning on this desk on a very regular basis so that we don’t have an episode of “Hoarders: Desk edition” This desk has become the bane of my existence.

As I also have some pretty severe ADD (real diagnosis not self-diagnosis) , I must have everything in a certain order and neatness. It may make no sense to others but I do have an order and I can find everything if asked. My family , especially the children, think it is funny to mess with me and move stuff around. Take a guess how that turns out? Ever seen the Exorcist?

So to answer the question…If you are looking for a peaceful meditation spot, it would be my bedroom NOT on my desk. 🙂

Daily Writing Prompt #11 Ghosts

haunted house wordpress

Today’s writing prompt was brought to us via vexingpoint

What are your thoughts and opinions on ghosts?

There are many theories  on ghosts, paranormal activity, spirits, entities, haunting, and so on. I know that I will mostly likely catch a lot of flack for this, but fuck it. I do believe there is something to the theory of paranormal. I believe there is something out there beyond my understanding. Every since I was little, I have always been interested in anything to do with the “supernatural.”

There is a movie (well, technically a mini series) done by Stephen King call Rose Red. In it the professor says something that I find is a  pretty accurate explanation for my feelings on the subject. Please don’t shoot the messenger (me)for not quoting the movie accurately today LOL. Basically she states that despite the tattered reputation of this field of study, it is a worthy pursuit to find the truth.

Why can’t there be a scientific explanation for what we consider the paranormal phenomenon?  It bothers me that we so easily want to dismiss that which we can’t explain with current scientific methods. We discuss energy and how it can neither be created or destroyed. Why is it that we can’t possibly conceive that it can be molded into something else entirely? Why can’t we entertain the thought that we might be able to gather and direct it?

For many years, we thought that the world was flat.  We thought that rotten meat spontaneously burst into worms. Tourette’s and epilepsy were thought to be demonic possession. These are just a couple of examples of things that existed but science and medicine had not caught up yet. You could probably fill several hundred volumes with things it took science years to explain. Really, is it so far-fetched to believe that there might possibly be life after death? Is it so hard to swallow the possibility that we get caught in parallel existences or planes when we die?

What is to say we don’t leave an energy signature behind when we pass on? Why do we get bad feelings being in certain places or with certain people? Some call it intuition. Some call it sixth sense, a warning system, etc… Regardless of what we call it, people use it all the time. Is there some portion of our brain that is capable of recognize these energies?

I know Ghosts and the paranormal subject gets an extreme amount of bad press. Every nutjob and his brother want to claim that every sound and experience is immediately a demon, ghost, evil entity, poltergeist, or haunting. Take your choosing on the labeling because everyone has a different opinion and there is no standard on the naming of something. I grant those kind of people and some of the reality shows really kick the idea of legitimacy right in the ass. However, there are people, (and scientists, they are people too LOL) that  truly believe in many forms of the paranormal. They take a serious dedication to studying it and finding out the answers. Maybe that comes in the form of debunking. Maybe it comes in the form of a ritual or an act of banishment. Maybe it comes from helping something move on.

Are we so arrogant as a people that we can’t possible entertain the idea that we don’t know the answers to everything? If we knew the answers to everything what would be the point of science, philosophy, religions, spiritual beliefs, etc…

Do I personally believe that there are ghosts? I don’t like that term but yes, I do. I have learned a great deal through scientific readings as well as my pagan path. As stated above, I have had my own encounters and experiences. I do believe in “psychic” abilities, and the willful movement and direction of energy. I have found often when discussing this subject with many different types of people, we often come to the same conclusion but use entirely different terms to say it.

If there is ever a scientific explanation for what we believe, I welcome it. I am a firm believer in the advancements of science. On more than one occasion I have had individuals assume that because I follow a particular spiritual path that I shun science. It is absolutely the opposite of that. I like to leave the doors of my mind open to many possibilities.


Today’s writing challenge….The Future Challenge. The title pretty much is self-explanatory.

Thank you, My Crazy Path , for the nomination.

Here are the rules:

Link back to the challenge creators, Dreams and Movie Screens , so she can track your progress.

Share 5 things about your future (jobs, kids, marriage, travel etc). Then one day you can look back and find out how psychic you really are.

In the future, I will:

  1. I will be able to find time to pursue writing in whatever form I desire. Right now, I have a difficult time finding the time, energy, and space to dedicate to writing in the way I like. Years ago, I did a lot of different kinds of writing. (Poetry, Journaling, Short stories, Erotica, etc….) I would like to return to trying my hand it at if for no other reason than my enjoyment.  I have many obstacles in my way right now that eat my free time and I think that in the future I will be able to dedicate more of my time the way I would like.

2. I will find time to travel. I want to see more of the U.S. I really would like to visit Vietnam, Cambodia, Thailand, India, Scotland, Greece, and Central America. I  am not picky about where I travel but those are my preferences should I get a choice. I find other cultures fascinating and I want to see how people truly live in their country. I want to see it through their eyes. That means the good, bad, beautiful, scary, happy, ugly, etc… The best way to understand and embrace our differences seems to be to “walk a mile ” in others shoes. There is far too much hate and intolerance in the world. I don’t want to go around with my eyes shut and blinded to the world. Being curious by nature, travel is something that I have always wanted to do and hope to do in the future.

   3.  I would love to have my own business. It really doesn’t matter to me whether it is online or an actual store. I would love to have a Pagan store/bookshop. I want it to encompass more than just pretty jewelry and premade potions. I would like to see classes held there, and other group events. I want it to be a welcoming place. Well, I guess that would mean that I would prefer an actual space. LOL

4. I will grow a bigger garden. I love to cook and I want to start becoming more serious about canning. I would eventually love to have enough of my own veggies and fruits that we can offset our cost of groceries. I am especially interested in organic gardening and am learning to do that now. I love growing herbs but would like to extend my knowledge to include healing properties and natural products that we can use(i.e. soaps, shampoos, cleaning products, medicines, teas, etc….) I have found that gardening helps center my thoughts and helps me drown out the daily grind. Ultimately,  it helps me indulge my paganism in a way that I don’t always get the time to.

5. I will go back to school. I have no desire to follow the traditional 4 to 8 years (or more of college). I started that and did very well in it but my life was very different then. I no longer want to pursue the career or path I was pursing.  I am very interested in sociology, cultural studies, literature, the history and practice of religion  and of course, writing. I am not sure when I will start this but it my plan for the future. I would love to be able to earn money and do something I love. Who hasn’t said that before? 🙂

I don’t have anyone yet to send this too. I am still pretty new to this site so I am really not sure who to pass this on too. Maybe in the future, I can add that.

Thank you again, My Crazy Path , for sending this to me. I have really enjoyed writing this. Blessings to you and those who read it.

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Through the Window.”

Wind is gently sweeping through the trees. There are Magnolias standing tall and proud. There are oaks that have been here since the neighborhood was established. The wind is not strong enough to bend these mighty trees but it caresses the leaves just to remind the oak that it is exists.

It is middle class neighborhood, with homes that were built in the 1950’s. Some of them still owned by the original owners. That will not be the case forever. As I look over the neighborhood, I am reminded that some of these owners have passed on and new people have taken their place. The new inhabitants are sometimes relatives and sometimes strangers to this neighborhood.

There is a comfortable coolness and relief from the humidity that bears down on us daily here. The heat and humidity of the day can be very oppressive. Usually, when it cools down, people can be seen walking down the street, doing yardwork, admiring their gardens or flowers or even visiting briefly with one another outside. Today, it seems that we are only met with silence and the absence of people and their busywork.  Where have they gone? What has taken them away from the neighborhood? Are they hiding from the pressures of the world behind the safety of their closed doors? Is it truly safe behind their closed doors or are the pressures equally as bad on the inside of their abodes?

The animals have free reign tonight. There are so many birds at our feeders . The cardinals have been coming for many years and now they bring their offspring. They are passing on their lessons for future generations. The share the feeder, with painted buntings, blue jays, morning doves, chickadees, and let’s not forget our favorite rodent, the squirrel. Sometimes they share the space. Sometimes they fight for space. Either way, they all manage to get their fill before they settle for the night.

There is a small hummingbird feeder near the window and they are thrilled that we have refilled their nectar. Our little one watches as the tiny beasts fight one another for a taste. They are so quick and aggressive.

The crickets and the frogs sing each with their own distinct sound. They are not fighting for musical space, but rather sharing it and working together to make the sounds that we hear as night falls.

What has been left unseen? With only a minute to glance, what did my senses take in that are not quickly coming to mind? I am left with that question and I wonder in the morning what I will remember of my moment “Through the Window”.

What Could We Be Doing Instead?

Despite the fact that this site is a form of social media, I am not a big fan of social media. I don’t use it often and lately I find myself shying away from social sites where I am forced to read a constant feed of every waking thought of my fellow human beings. Not every thought is one that should be shared. Very often, some of these thoughts are not going to win the individual posting them entrance into MENSA. I do not need to know that you pee to the left. Nor do I need to know that you locked the door to your house before going to work. That is NOT a “raise the roof” moment. Just saying….

Too often it is a place to gossip, share passive-aggressive behavior, bully others, or just be a negative pain in the ass. We have a tool at our fingertips to gain knowledge, share ideas, spread some positivity, encourage others, and even bring about social change. What do we do with it? We use it to tear each other down. We use it to be petty. We use it to bully someone and spread hate and discontent. The internet can be used for so many things. We can harness the power of this entity or at the very least use it to our advantage.

I understand that our world and our lives are made up of both positive and negative events, feelings, news,etc…. We are a sum of all our experiences and it is important to have a full range of experiences and emotions to be a whole person. I am not suggesting that we only be a fucking “ray of sunshine” at every moment and stick our heads in the sand every time something is bad or we don’t want to deal with it. Nor am I suggesting that everything we post up be of a serious or educational nature. I enjoy a funny meme, video, story as much as the next person. I am merely suggesting think before you write. Other people read what you write. Fair or unfair, they form opinions on you based on what you write. Could we put forth more of an effort to share things that will help bring change for future generations? Could we write things that may help others through their struggle? Could we share educational and interesting information instead of worrying about what the hell Taylor Swift is wearing and what her cat is doing?

I found myself over the last year feeling very negative about a couple of social media sites that I was on. One in particular left me with a very toxic taste in my mouth. I use this particular site to attend events, network, and keep up with friends. Not everyone on my list is a friend. Some are acquaintances,  groups, events, teachers, etc…. I won’t go into the details but the reasons listed in the beginning of my post are the very reason I do not make a frequent presence on the site. I realized it was poisoning my view of the lifestyle that I love so much. It was also poisoning my view of people in general.

I am a fairly bright person but sometimes I let stupid things dominate my time. So instead of allowing myself to be brought down by the drama, I changed my course. I still am very interested in the lifestyle I hinted about above. I also have other interests, passions, goals, and life pursuits.  So what is a Gender Fluid human to do?

After a little reassessment of the situation, I am getting back on track. I am on several sites now sharing my knowledge and wisdom with everyone who is smart enough to listen (LOL that was a joke. I am a sarcastic ass sometimes.) Seriously, though I am now finding a way to share my thoughts, my finds on the internet, things that I find important and hopefully, it will be of interest to others.  Mahatma Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.”

So, the moral of the story is that I want to see change in what I see on social media sites. So I going to follow the words of Gandhi in my own way and see if I can change the world. Okay, maybe just my corner of it.